Low standards

Attracted to an article on “sex and parenting” in the The Age I read on. Ayelet Waldman makes some good points in the article and I was amused at her story:

“I spent so much time standing in playgrounds pushing my daughter in her swing and I’d find myself turning to the mother next to me and saying, ‘Don’t you find this dull, isn’t this the worst thing you’ve ever done?’ And inevitably I’d get the mother who looked at me as though I was crazy, and then told me about how they’d perfected their playdough recipe. If they’d just invented the iPod back then, I would have been fine.”

On the odd occasion I have worn (do you wear or use?) my iPod at the playground and wondered if I was being negligent but it is so hard to push a swing and read at the same time. However, reading a newspaper is far more socially acceptable.

What really caught my eye was her comment:

“My husband and I both tell the story of how he was standing in line getting a coffee while carrying our baby and he was tapped on the shoulder and told what a great dad he was. That’s literally all anyone has to do to be seen as a good father because we’ve set the bar so low.”

My wife completely empathises with this comment. Sometimes it seems I only need to play with and supervise the children that I have sired and she will be told how good a Dad I am. Meanwhile she is completing almost as much paid work, sacrificing her career, breastfeeding, getting up in the night, organising the kids and doing all the other stuff that we share and rarely receives feedback that she is a good mum.

A few years ago David Beckham was voted Britain’s best dad. Probably not unlike most people who voted I have no idea if Becks is a good dad or not but the below photo was taken as evidence that he is a “doting Dad”.  The guy spends most of the year in different countries to his kids due to his football/ promotion commitments. Is he a good Dad because he is handsome? Plays sport with his kids? Dresses well? I would have thought being a good Dad involved spending time with your kids.

So I’m pondering is the bar really low for dads? Or is the bar too high for mums? Either way dads need to do more than take their kids to the park on Saturday morning so that Mum can get two hours for sleep/ pampering/ read the paper.